Time Is Up

I've been running around crazy for the past couple weeks, trying to get everything prepared for our big trip to India. Now, as the hour of departure gets closer and closer, I realize that, if I haven't done it yet, it's simply not getting done. And so, after months of planning and weeks of anxiety, I am finally able to relax and enjoy the sweet anticipation of vacation.

But this is so much more than a vacation (and, at times – like on the overnight trains – might not seem like one at all). The planning for this trip began only about four months ago; but the idea had been in my head long before that. Four year and 10 months ago, I left a piece of my heart in India, and I promised myself that I would return within five years. Well, time is almost up.

The five-year mark was important to me because I worked very closely with both children (who will be nearly grown by now) and elderly people (some of whom have already been taken from this world). I promise myself I would go back to see these children before I could no longer recognize them and to see these precious “aunties” and “uncles” at Chacko Homes before they would no longer recognize me.

The year I spent in India had such a profound impact on my life, and I feel so fortunate that I get to honor that by going back now, five years older and hopefully at least somewhat wiser. And this time, I get to take Brandon, who somehow found the strength to continue standing by me from some 8,000 miles away. That was a challenging, but strengthening, year for both of us.

The problem with going back to a place – especially one that is so well-loved – is that you always bring expectations along for the ride. India stole that piece of my heart a long time ago, and I will always love it; but I'm afraid it will be different. Or maybe I am what will be different. Either way, I'm nervous that I won't recognize the place I used to call home, that it will look different, sound different, smell different, and feel different than what I remember. And I'm afraid this will be disappointing to me.

And yet, I know that this time, India will be an entirely new adventure – not just for me, but for Brandon and me, together! I made a million memories in India by myself five years ago; now, not only do I get to share those precious memories with my husband, but I get to make a whole bunch more while he is there with me. And that is absolutely thrilling.

It's entirely possibly that, when I set my eyes on the Taj Mahal for the first time in five years, it will look different than it used to. (You know, they say it changes color based on the time of day and the way the sun hits its adorned walls.) But there's no chance that it will be any less beautiful than it ever was.

And it's entirely possible that some of the children will have grown too big to be easily recognizable and that some of my “aunties” and “uncles” at Chacko Homes will have trouble remembering who I am, who I was to them at one point. But there's no chance they will ever mean any less to me than they ever did.

And it's entirely possible that I will be disappointed in some aspects of the trip – either because things have changed or because I have changed, or even possibly because I simply can't remember everything perfectly. But there's no chance that this trip will be anything but an incredible new experience. An amazing, inspiring, breathtaking adventure in the place that I love most, with the person I love most.

No, there is no chance that this will not be the trip of a lifetime. And, oh, so much more than a vacation.